Renewal

Lately I have been feeling a bit stressed. Maybe that's an understatement. Lately I've been so overwhelmed that sometimes it feels as if I can't breathe.

This school year (my second year of teaching) I have been the "yes" queen. I have been living by the  mantra, "I need to do all that I can while I have time to do it." Want to lead the drama department with no prior experience? YES! Want to teach an inclusion class with no prior experience in special ed? SURE! Want to coach the JV fastpitch team? OF COURSE! Want to be involved in starting a Younglife club for the students at Franklin Pierce? I'D LOVE TO!

All of this on top of my regular responsibilities as a teacher, wife, and friend. I have, until now, refused to admit that I bit off more than I could chew. I wanted so desperately to be involved.  And I truly have enjoyed being a part of each one of these activities. But I have started to feel like this:

and this:

 

which, ashamedly, has resulted in this attitude:

 

Burnt out. I remember my college professors' sage advice: "Don't do any extra-curricular advice the first three years, you'll get burnt out." How true those words are. I have been grumpy, impatient, and a little unkind to the kiddos in my classes and thus have been questioning my ability and effectiveness as a teacher. All because I took too much upon myself.

Until Friday. One of my sophomore students invited me to a celebration at her church this past Friday. She informed me that it was for her youth group and that each of the members were to invite an adult whom they felt had impacted them in a positive way. As she was explaining the celebration my eyes welled up with tears--I had impacted someone in a positive way? Even through my grouchy, nagging, pestering, negative attitude? In her mind, she was simply asking me to attend a celebration--a task that was assigned to her by her youth pastor. What she had really done was renewed my passion for teaching and my faith in myself. It was just what I needed. It reminded me why I love my job: I get to influence, shape, and alter students' lives in a powerful and meaningful way. It also reminded me that "my Father knows the things I need of before I ask Him" (Matt 6:8).

I can't wait to go in to work tomorrow with more enthusiasm than ever, which, hopefully will look a little something like this: 

 .

To Blog or Not to Blog?

Blog. According to Webster a blog is defined as "a web site on which an individual or group of users record opinions, information, etc. on a regular basis." I have been aware of blogging for a long time now, but prior to now have had no interest.

I know of their many uses as I have often made use of them myself:

• I have read many to get ideas for decorating or crafting  (although, I have not joined Pinterest--a discussion for another time)
• I have taken and used several lessons and classroom ideas (with the utmost gratitude) from unknown teachers from around the world
• I have been able to keep up with the lives of friends from great distances--due to blogs I feel as if I haven't missed a beat with people with whom it would be easy to lose contact

My husband even has a blog...or four. Conversations with my technologically savvy husband have always resulted in something like this:


Bruce: "You should blog"
Me: "Nah..."
Bruce: "Seriously. You write...and stuff--you're an English teacher. You gotta, you know, keep up your cred."
Me: "I just feel like it's pretentious. I would be assuming people care about what I ate for breakfast"
Bruce: "People do it all the time. They'll like it. Your friends can read about your life. You have fun and interesting stuff to say."
Me: "But what if it's not fun and interesting and it's only funny and interesting to us? I just think it's kinda silly."
Bruce: "...will you just make one? If not for your cred, for mine?"
Me: *almost audible eye-roll*

 Never once, however, did I possess a desire to publish one. Until now.
 Lately, I've been looking through pictures that Bruce and I have taken over the course of our four year marriage, and seven year courtship, and have noticed something astounding--we don't have many. At first this made me upset--how could I be so negligent as to not capture moments of this period of our life? We have little to no documentation for the past SEVEN years! What will we show our children about their parent's lives prior to having them?

After the initial disappointment and shock came the resolve. I don't want the phases of our lives to dissipate. I don't want our future children to be unable to connect and know the people their parents were prior to their existence. I don't want Bruce and I to forget who we were at this time in this moment. I don't want to let these years pass us by and perhaps be forgotten forever. I am determined to be active about documenting, recording, and cementing memories. If other people find it fun and interesting, fantastic, but it's not ultimately about that. It's ultimately about publishing, "opinions, information, etc. on a regular basis" that pertains to who I am right here and now so my future children, and even my future-self, can look back and know all about who I am right here and now.